Close Calls and Confessions
by LiLy-saLvatore-cuLLen
Summary: "I had to tell him. He had to know I loved him. Even if he didn't return the feelings… I owed it to him after all these years." James saves Lily. Lily feels the need to express her feelings, even though it could be too late.


Alice and I were walking down the corridors.

Classes had ended for the day and we were heading to the Great Hall for some much needed dinner.

"Alice! Lily! Wait for me!"

Alice turned around with a fake annoyed look on her face.

Frank Longbottom, her boyfriend, and one of my good friends, was running after us, slinging his bag all the way onto his shoulder.

"Frankie! You're always late getting out of Divination! What's the deal?"

They greeted each other with a kiss on the lips.

"Alice…" I nudged her arm with my elbow with a wink.

"Lily…"

"I think Frankie has something going on with Trelawney… don't you Frankie?"

"WHAT? Hell no! Gross, Lily!" but Frank couldn't hide his grin as he punched my arm lightly.

"You wouldn't be the first, Longbottom, my friend."

Oh…_no._

Black.

Sirius Black.

Sirius trotted up to our trio.

"What's that supposed to mean, Black?" Alice asked with a bored tone.

"Can't keep my crystal balls away from Sybil… if you know what I mean…" Sirius winked.

"Black… you're a diseased man-whore who should find something better to do with your time." I said.

"Tsk tsk, Evans. Not nice. Not nice at all. What will I tell my dear friend Prongs?"

Prongs. As in James.

We were Head Boy and Head Girl together this year.

I have to admit, I was _extremely _shocked to find out who my counterpart would be…

But James surprised me.

Very much so.

He had definitely matured, and he took his duties seriously.

I had…actually come to like him.

A lot.

I fancy James Potter.

I'd fancied him for awhile.

It had occurred to me one day early this year that I fancied him.

But he'd given up on me.

He'd practically told me so at the beginning of the year.

_We were on the Hogwarts Express, in the room assigned to the Heads._

_I walked into the room, a bit nervous to find out who my partner would be._

_I walked in and almost choked._

_James Potter._

_He stood up from his seat as soon as I'd walked in._

"_Evans! Er… how was your summer?"_

"_Uh-guh…" _

_I was pretty brilliant answering that question._

_James just scratched his head and stood uncomfortably._

_He began to say something._

"_Lily, I know we haven't gotten along all the years we've come here, but I need to ask you if…"_

"_No, Potter. Please. Not again. Not before we've even gotten to school…"_

"…_What? What are you talking about, Lily?"_

"…_Weren't… weren't you just about to ask me out?"_

_James looked at me incredulously._

"…_Wha… what… no! Of course not! I'm telling you, Lily… you won't be hearing any of _that_ anymore. I was just asking if you would consider having us be friends… or trying to be civil towards each other, at least… we'll be working together all year, you know."_

He had told me I wouldn't be hearing any of _that_, as in, he asking me out, anymore.

Bugger. And just when I wanted him to start up again, too.

I came back from my slight revelry to Sirius saying something obnoxious.

"…I'm telling you, Longbottom… Sybil is the woman to go to if you're looking for a…"

"BLACK! Shut the HELL up!" Alice screeched.

Sirius shut his mouth right away.

"Whoa… Prewitt… Calm down! I'm only joking!"

"It's not funny, Sirius. You're a disgusting pig of a prat. Go away."

Sirius looked at us like he was shocked that he'd been annoying us… or that something was dreadfully wrong with us for not laughing along with him.

I felt kind of bad for him.

"Alice, was that really necessary? He was only fooling after all…"

"I refuse to hear anything about that kind of stuff. He was pestering Frank…"

"Al, it was fine. He was just being Sirius…" Frank started.

"No! I don't want to hear that stuff. He's a disgusting man-whore and I can't stand him."

I looked back at Sirius, who was now to the doors of the Great Hall.

He clearly did not have any feelings hurt. He had shrugged it off right away. So what if one person didn't find him funny? He lifted his arm in greeting, and I watched as he headed toward the three boys greeting him back.

Remus Lupin. Quiet, sweet and sensitive Remus.

Peter Pettigrew. Er… uh… erm… well, Peter.

And… and James.

He and Sirius high-fived as Sirius sat down.

I stared at James a bit longer. He was animatedly talking to his friends about something.

Sirius laughed, Remus grinned and Peter… tried to smile, but ended up having mashed potatoes squeeze through the gaps in his teeth.

Then James looked up at me.

I quickly looked away and felt myself blush.

I hurriedly followed Alice and Frank to our usual spots at the table, a ways down from the Marauders.

Frank instantly began filling his plate. Seriously. Boys. They were always hungry.

I scooped some stuffing and turkey onto my plate, once again glancing over at James.

"Lily."

I kept looking at James.

"Lily…"

"I wasn't ogling James Potter!"

"Lil… I wasn't… going to accuse you of that… but if you were… jolly good for you… but… did you do anything to Snape?"

"Huh? Why would you ask?"

"He's glaring holes into the back of your head."

I turned my face slightly to look where Alice was looking.

Sure enough, _Snape_ was glaring at me like I had deliberately stuck a needle into his oversized nose.

I would, too. To deflate it. It was a honker if I'd ever seen one.

Anyway.

I frowned a little.

"No… I haven't even talked to him since… since, well, you know… I don't know why he's glaring at me."

It troubled me slightly. Not that Snape was upset… I'd stopped caring about the stupid git ever since he'd called me a Mudblood. Then the arse thought he'd come to try to apologize, saying he didn't mean it, I'm sorry Lily… blah blah lies. I hated Severus Snape.

No. It troubled me that his… anger… seemed directed at me for some reason.

I glanced up at him all throughout dinner.

His penetrating glare never left me.

After dinner, I saw Alice and Frank off to the Gryffindor Common Room, then made my way to the Head's Dorms to relax a little before James and I had to do rounds.

I was happy it was Friday. It had been a tough week. Lots of tests. All that fun stuff.

I plopped down onto the couch, kicked my shoes off and lifted my legs onto the sofa and stretched out.

The portrait opened and James crawled through.

"Hey, Lily."

"Hi, James. How were classes?"

"Ah, you know. Same old, same old. Except, I'm pretty sure Sirius is insane. He asked Trelawney out today."

"You mean… he _wasn't _joking about that?"

"About what?"

I told him what Sirius had said to us.

James' eyes widened… but then he laughed.

I loved the sound of James' laugh. Warm… rich…deep…manly…

"He was TOTALLY just joking. You should have seen the look on Sybil's face! I thought she was going to break her crystal ball she was clutching it so hard!"

I couldn't help but laugh along with James. His laugh was contagious.

James sat down on the arm of the couch, nearest my head.

"How was your day, Lily?"

"Ugh! James, I had a test in almost every class. It was crazy! I was about to bloody pass out."

"You were studying a lot this week."

I looked up at him. He was looking down at me with a small smile gracing his lips.

I was drawn to those lips. I felt myself lifting myself up a little.

"Bloody hell, Lily! We gotta start our rounds!" James leaped off the arm of the sofa and walked over to the portrait.

I was a bit dazed.

"Erm…?"

"Rounds, Lily? The searching of the castle for any troublemakers slash snogging couples out past curfew…?"

Snogging…

"Oh. Those rounds."

James lifted an eyebrow.

"I bloody know what rounds are, James."

"Just checking. I was afraid all those tests took the rest of your intelligence out."

I slapped his arm playfully and he chuckled.

We walked down the hall together, just chatting, looking around and opening some classroom doors along the way.

Eventually, we got to the part of the castle where two hallways were split by a stone wall. The right hall would take you past the library, and the left hall would bring you to more classrooms. At the end of both halls, they met up again.

"Alright, Lily. We've come to our favorite fork in the… castle. Do you want to take the left this time, or should I?"

"I'll go by the library."

"I thought you would, nerd."

"Hey…"

James lifted his hands in surrender.

"Kidding, Lily."

I smiled.

He smiled back.

"See you down the hall?"

"In a few minutes."

"Well, toodle pip!"

And James was off, wand at the ready.

I went down my own hall, past the torches on the walls, dimly lighting the way.

The library was coming up on my left. It was still dimly lit, because sometimes students pulled all-nighters.

Luckily, this being a week where most classes had tests, no one was in there… or should've been in there at least.

As I walked past the open double doors, I heard a small _thud._

I stopped and peeked into the library.

Some lanterns were lit, but other than that, it was pretty dark.

I heard another thud.

It was definitely coming from inside.

I pulled my wand out.

"_Lumos."_

A small ball of white light shown at the end of my wand, illuminating in front of me a few meters. I lifted my wand higher to increase the area of light.

"Hello?"

Nothing.

"Is someone in here?"

It was really late. It had to have been a bit past midnight, at least.

I looked around.

I heard some scuffling behind me and turned quickly.

Nothing.

"H-hello? Who's there?"

I turned back around and continued my way deeper into the library.

I heard another thud.

I stopped and looked toward the direction it had come from.

Looking down one of the aisles, I saw a book had fallen.

Sighing with relief, I went over to it and picked it up off the ground.

"You little bugger. You scared me half out of my mind. Just a book."

I closed it and placed it back on the shelf where I saw an open space.

"Naughty book. Stop falling. And tell your friends to do the same."

I could only assume the other thuds had been books as well.

I turned around to get out of the aisle.

But something was obstructing my way.

Something tall and dark.

Some_one._

"Lily."

"…_Snape?"_

Snape grabbed my shoulders and pulled me roughly closer to him.

"…ugh… what the hell, Snape? Let me go! What's your deal?"

"You were looking at him."

"What? Looking at _who?_ And why is it any of your business who I look at?"

"At _him. _You were looking at_ Potter."_

The sneer on Snape's face frightened me. And the way he said "Potter" pretty much emphasized bad intentions.

"Why were you looking at him, Lily?"

"I don't have time for this, Snape. I'm giving you detention for being out after hours. You know the curfew time. Especially being a seventh year. Now let go."

His grip only tightened on my shoulders.

"You fancy him, don't you?"

It was an accusation, not a question.

I stayed quiet, just looking at the face that was once my friend's.

He shook me hard.

"ANSWER ME!"

"So what if I do, Snape?"

"_Severus. _My name is Severus, remember? You can't fancy _Potter_. You belong with me, and you know it Lily."

"WHAT?"

"I won't have you with anyone else. You hate Potter. Remember all those times you told me? You always complained about him! Do you remember what he and his friends did to me? They were always… you _can't_ be with him. You have to be with me. You despise Potter! Don't' tell me you've forgotten how we always talked about how he was such a git, and you couldn't stand him. He's a filthy Muggle Lover Lily! He loves Mudbloods…"

My eyes flashed.

He looked like he had swallowed a whole bottle of Fire whiskey. Whole.

I tried to wriggle away from him.

"Lily, please! I didn't…"

"You said it again, Snape." I stared coldly into his charcoal eyes. "Do you even remember who you are talking to? Not only are you assaulting the Head Girl, I also happen to be a Muggle. A _Mudblood._ So if you're finished, I'll be taking 40 points from Slytherin. You can be on your way back to the dungeons, now. Get moving."

He only gripped my upper arms tighter.

"You listen to me, Lily. I will not have you interested in James Potter. I'll show you that you want to be with me…"

He started tearing at my robes, trying to get them off me.

"STOP! SNAPE! WHAT THE HELL? LET ME GO…!"

He was really strong. He had successfully removed my robes and he had turned me around. I could feel something hard pressing against my back. He pressed his nose into my hair, inhaling. His hands moved across my belly and started heading north towards my chest.

He was going to…

_Help me…_

I tried to escape, but to no avail. My front was pressed against the bookshelves. The musty and ancient smell of worn pages filled my nose. Snape was tugging at the hem of my skirt.

_Please… no…_

I began to cry, still trying to push Snape away. He only shoved me harder into the shelf.

"_STUPEFY!"_

Snape went rigid, and fell to the ground unceremoniously. I took in deep breaths, trying to stop my tears. I pressed my forehead into the spines of the books.

"LILY! Hell, are you okay? Did he… was I too late…?"

James came up to me and took my elbow gently, turning me around. I looked into his solemn hazel eyes, with just a hint of fear and hysteria in them.

I began to cry even harder. I leaned into him and clutched his shirt. He wrapped his arms around me and brought me to him. His hand stroked down the length of my hair as I sobbed.

I don't know how long we stood there, but finally my tears turned into hiccups and sniffles. I looked up at James' face.

"Thank you… for coming for me. I don't… I don't even want to think about…"

"Shhhh. It's alright Lily. I'm always here for you. Never doubt that. When you didn't show up at the end of the fork, I knew something was wrong. The paths are the exact same distance. I waited for about a minute, then called out for you."

"Thank you."

"Anytime, Lils. Anytime."

We stood and hugged for a little longer. James rubbed my back. I inhaled his scent.

Forest and cinnamon. I had never noticed it before.

Then again, I had never been this close to James for so long.

I had to tell him. He had to know I loved him. Even if he didn't return the feelings… I owed it to him after all these years.

"James… I… there's something I need to…"

"Shhh. Let's go back to the Head's dorms. You're still anxious after what happened. I'll make you a cup of tea. Come on."

He left one arm around my shoulders and we walked that way: arm around my shoulders, my arm around his lower back all the way back to our dorm.

"Popcorn flavored puffer-fish in puddles." James stated to the portrait.

"You come up with the strangest passwords, Head Boy." The portrait commented.

"No one would guess that, would they?" James smirked.

"I suppose not. Enter."

James stepped aside and let me go first.

Once we were both inside, James guided me to the sofa and sat me down in front of the fireplace.

"Wait here. I'll get some tea."

I curled myself up and waited for him.

He returned after a small while with two steaming cups of tea. He handed me mine and sat down on the opposite side of the sofa. I wished he would sit closer. I wanted to curl up against him. Inhale his soothing scent. Absorb his warmth.

I watched as he took a sip of his tea. He was looking into the fire.

We sat silently, drinking our tea and not looking at each other.

I wondered how awkward it was for him to have seen that. I had almost been violated by a man he despised, yet all he did was stupefy Snape and tend to me. We had left him in the library. Filch would find him. I planned on informing Slughorn about what happened tomorrow.

"Are you doing better?"

I jumped a little bit. James had interrupted my revelry. And the looming silence.

I took another sip of my tea and contemplated his question.

"Yeah. I am. Thanks to you, once again. I can't thank you enough, James."

"And I can't tell you enough that it's alright."

He smiled at me. A genuine, non-smirk, James smile.

I couldn't help but smile back.

"Merlin! Look at how late it is! It's almost one in the morning!"

James set his teacup on the side table by the sofa and stood up. He stretched his back, raising his arms in the process.

I caught a lovely view of his abs and almost drooled an entire puddle.

Snap out of it, Lily.

"Wait, James… I have to tell…"

James yawned.

"Sorry, what? I didn't hear that."

"Never mind. Thank you for what you did."

"Anytime, Lily. Goodnight."

" 'Night James."

James made his way to his door and quietly shut it.

I remained on the sofa for awhile before following suit and going to my room.

It was about three o'clock in the morning and I hadn't slept a wink.

I couldn't stop thinking about James. I had gone through all seven years of our time at Hogwarts and could not give myself a reason as to why I hadn't been in love with this man before now. He was my other half. There are people who spend a lifetime looking for the one for them, and mine had been with me since I started school. I had been so ignorant. So… picky. I thought I could have done better than James. I realized I couldn't.

And he needed to know that.

Now.

I got out of my bed, almost tripping from the duvet tangled around my feet.

It was completely dark in the hall. I had to feel my way to James' door.

I opened it quietly. It creaked slightly, but not too bad.

James' curtains were open, allowing a stream of moonlight to shine over his bed.

Merlin's voluminous boxer shorts.

James… he… slept shirtless.

I had never seen him… er, this revealed before.

He was lying on his belly, the sheets down at his waist. His shoulder blades stuck out a little bit. I could decipher the curves of his back muscles.

Phwoar.

After ogling for about 5 minutes, I decided to get down to business completing my mission.

I walked over to the sides of his bed, sat down lightly by his side and placed my hand on his back and began to rub to wake him up.

"Mmmf… Sirius… five more minutes."

"James."

"I don't want to put the lobsters in Trelawney's tea cabinet today. Maybe Thursday."

_What?_ What was this bloke on about?

"James. Wake up."

"We weren't going to cook them, Padfoot."

"Potter."

"No, we were going to put the shrimp in the teacups."

I sighed. It would take a wrecking ball to wake this wanker up.

I rolled him over.

He still didn't wake up.

But this provided a magnificent view of his pecs and abs.

Phwoar again.

He looked so innocent and adorable when he slept.

I carefully crawled on top of him, sat on his hips and straddled his torso.

His eyebrows drew together and he slowly opened his eyes.

"Wha…?"

I grabbed his glasses from his bedside table and put them on his face.

"LILY?"

James was very aware of the situation now. Observant bloke. Didn't take him long to figure things out.

He scooted up just a little bit. His shoulders were leaning against the headboard, making his ab muscles tighten significantly.

"Er, hello James. I tried waking you up before this. Honest."

"Wha… what are you… what are you _doing_, Lils?"

"I had to tell you something."

"I'm listening."

He gazed intently at me.

Instead of talking, I leaned forward.

"Lily… Lil-mmf."

I captured his lips with my own.

He didn't respond for a few agonizing moments.

But when he did…

Our lips pressed together fervently. We couldn't get enough of each other as fast as we wanted to.

James lifted his hand and brought it behind my head to keep my head in place.

I licked his lips and he groaned, opening his mouth to allow my tongue to explore.

Mmmm… he tasted heavenly. Merlin, why did I wait until this moment to do this? I had discovered my new favorite thing.

James pushed me away suddenly.

"Wait. Lily. Okay. I need to… get a grasp on reality. Is this a dream?"

"Negative."

"You're sure."

"Positive."

"Huh."

James looked really confused. I couldn't help but laugh at his facial expression.

"So, er, I gather that you fancy me."

I bit my lower lip and crawled off of James sitting next to him, legs tucked under me.

"Listen, James… I've… I've fancied you for quite awhile now. I… when you told me on the train that you wouldn't be asking me out anymore… I… it occurred to me that I _wanted _you to."

I hesitantly looked up into his caramel eyes.

They had widened and his mouth was agape.

"You… I should have… women. I'll never understand them." James huffed with a child like pout on his face.

"It's alright if you don't feel the same anymore. I just needed to let you know that my feelings have changed. Significantly."

I smiled at him and sadly started to crawl off the bed. This had not gone as I had hoped.

James grabbed my wrist, and with an impossible move, one that to this day I have no idea how everything happened the way it did, I was suddenly under him and he was laying on me, straddling one of my legs.

"… James?"

"Lily, you have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that."

He bent his head towards mine.

I turned away.

"Wait. Are you saying…"

"I'm saying I still love you Lily. I've never stopped. I thought you were annoyed when I asked you out. That's why I told you I would stop."

I couldn't control the wide smile that formed on my lips.

I grabbed his head and brought his lips down to mine.

He eagerly complied and instantly took control of this kiss.

His tongue flicked against my teeth. I realized I was still smiling. I opened my mouth to him and his tongue dove in, exploring without reservation.

Not that I was complaining. I was doing the same thing.

I ran my hands up from his stomach to his chest and he gave a guttural groan and muttered my name against my lips. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I drew him even closer to me.

We snogged heatedly for Merlin knows how long. Scratch that. He probably fell asleep it was so long.

I was curled into James' side with my arm draped around his torso. His arm was behind my head, supporting my neck. My head rested on his shoulder.

He drew the covers over both of us, removed his glasses and we both settled into the pillows.

"James?"

"Love?"

"I love you, too."

James kissed my head and we both fell asleep in each other's arms.

**AN**

Hullo. This was just a little something I started like, months ago and didn't have any will to finish until now. I decided to give it the chance to be in the limelight that is . Reviews are appreciated!

Much love!

-Lily


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